The unemployment factor

How to be productively unemployed…
It’s the first time in a long while that I’ve not been studying or employed… Whilst I am vaguely employed by a temping agency, I still feel that my weekends of 5 days or so, qualify me to write this post on how to enjoy unemployment or at least a few things to keep you busy.
My initial impression of unemployment was pure unadultered pleasure at the thought of lying in bed whilst all my housemates trot off to work. Leisurely breakfasts and then …

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Oblivion

Well that’s the problem. Most of my friends do the 9-5, sensible work thing…so there I am alone and bored…

I have got to know the postman pretty well, nice chap, and for the first few days revelled in the sole use of Sky and re-acquaintance with daytime television not known since studenthood.

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But then this behaviour lost its lustre and the guilt started to creep in. Being a Lady of Leisure isn’t all it is cracked up to be and here are some tips to stop you going totally insane…
1. Get FIT 

I cannot say I follow this one. But exercise releases endorphins as we all know and going on a run or doing some youtube yoga is a wallet savvy way to get toned.

I attempted a fitness guide my friend, with an enviable stomach (damn her), has been doing in Australia. But I don’t know perhaps I can blame the cold weather but since October has hit that just hasn’t seemed like a viable option in cold, old England. The diet part also was unappetising to me as the very moral, tee-total lady (with even more enviable abs, thighs etc… groan) suggested small, healthy portions of wholesome food, which all sounded excellent and do-able until I looked at the portions…

It was when she suggested cutting bananas in half for two breakfasts that I decided that was enough and that storing fat for the winter was the natural and right thing to do!

2. Make lists
There is nothing (bar maybe a Ryan Reynolds movie and a really good box of chocolates) more satisfying than ticking off an item on a to-do list. Start simply at first – making breakfast, putting the laundry out… all achievable. Feel inspired by your productivity!
My desk is covered in sticky notes all with various tasks or things to remember, bring them all into one list and start being productive.

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A picture of Ryan Reynolds. For enjoyment purposes.
3. Channel your inner Monica
No I do not mean, go across the road and start a relationship with your neighbour (although if that works then do) Pre-unemployment, I was so useless around the house I referred to the dishwasher as the drawer-where-clean-plates-come-out. I broke my mum’s dyson once and she was really rather cross and hey what can I say, it’s put me off for life. Until now… CLEAN. spring clean. sort your wardrobe etc. and far more satisfying than those pesky job applications.
4. Get off the sofa!
Take up running, borrow your friend’s over excited border collie and take him out for a walk (the dog, not your friend… unless again he is cute)

5. Become Nigella… late night fridge raiding, in silk pyjamas, optional.
Possibly avoiding the heavy cream and sugar based recipes, unless you are going to take number 4 as gospel, cooking is not only relaxing but useful. When working, I had little time for homemade delights but I now even find time to bake! From home made curries and soups to elaborate desserts, invite some friends over for dinner and stock up your freezer for when you are too tired again, working and reaching for those microwave meals…
Below is an example of how not to do piping.

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6. Get your nostalgia head on.

Nothing better than snuggling down to a couple of Jonathan Creek episodes… or 5. This should be limited for one afternoon per fortnight… Sitting down is the new killer I believe, so do not under any circumstances, discover BOX SETS.

7. Date, date and more dating
It hasn’t exactly worked perfectly for me. But it is one way of saving money on dinner (waiting for feminist backlash)

Even if you end up doing it dutch, at least you have something to think about, prepare for and chat about when your friends start talking about their productive work days *yawn*.

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Hey, even really terrible dates are great sources of amusement, for everyone else 😛

You could even blog about it (perish the thought)

8. Create something
Spray your wardrobe, stencil your nails, make a windchime, stitch a dress… I have taken up making my friend’s birthday cards which involves only magazines, a steady hand and a huge amount of glitter.
Then try and sell one of your one-off creations on Ebay or Vinted…

9. Play hide and seek with your landlord.
My landlord is a tad…quirky, to say the least. He seems to pop up on a daily basis to “fix” things despite the fact our house is still in a fairly delipidated state (I am convinced that one day I will fall through the ceiling). It is these times that I go and hide. On the few occasions he has found me, I awkwardly chatter on about the weather until he goes away again, looking bemused. I am just waiting for the realisation to dawn, that I am in the house rather too often for the ideal tenant (the ideal tenant being one with a steady job who is seen after 5 and empties the dishwasher- something I’ve just started see point 3) and yet he hasn’t asked… and so the game continues!

10. After all that you could, I suppose, try applying for some jobs?

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2 comments

  1. chillesteh · October 24, 2014

    Ha I was just about to write an unemployment entry on my blog as well, just haven’t published it!! Read your Tinder entry and it was hilarious too!

    Liked by 1 person

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