Crystal balls & crystallised ginger…

It has been 20 years since gambling has become a ritual part of many Brits’ lives… 20 years this week since the National Lottery was founded.

Without a doubt, the best part of the National Lottery was Mystic Meg with her bizarre outfits, the fact she looked like one of my fellow schoolmate’s mums and her hand movements over the crystal ball.

Dodgy predictions included vague, open ones such as …

“Teachers, postmen and grocers will do well tonight…”

“I see someone with a name beginning with the letter J…”

or the mind blowing accuracy of

“Winners will be over the age of 16…”

Anyway that little trip down memory lane was not the only reason for this blog post.  This post is not even a campaign for the return of Mystic Meg…. (which so should happen)

No, I was thinking about the future recently. Not in a productive useful way i.e. sorting out my career or even in the usual freak out way of OMG I am actually 25 and still have no idea what I’m doing.

everyone-i-know-is-getting-married-im-just-getting-more-awesome

But this post was inspired by a book I recently read.

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A pretty typical love story. This book was not particularly well written, sorry Mr. Sherl, but I did enjoy the character Godfrey’s musings and insecurities as he tries to sort his relationship out. Both protagonists are in bad relationships and both live in a world where there is supposed technology which can allow you to see into the future, but only for romantic purposes. As the blurb states, “…a love story for anyone who’s ever wondered if they’re with The One, or The One Before Last”.  The actual process involved the characters visiting a dubious doctor’s surgery where a dodgy Dr Chin fiddles with a few buttons and allows clients to see their future like a film.  The female protagonist begins the book by breaking up with her dopey boyfriend as their future seems to involve singing Happy Birthday to a chihuahua and arguing about a cheese board. I sympathise, chihuahuas really are the poorest excuse for a dog.

This got me thinking about my own possible futures and seeing as, on a gin fuelled moment, I considered meeting up with an ex recently, I think it is probably time to invest in a Dr.Chin envisioning session.

Marriage, children and even a stable career, all seem as unlikely or far away as the return of the dinosaurs

image

Envisioning session with …

An ex … Now presumably you broke up because you couldn’t imagine a future with your ex so this one seems a bit pointless. I suppose there is always the wonder of if you’d just stuck it out or got over that noise he makes in his sleep, but instincts should usually be trusted. And following my housemate’s rule book, exes are off the menu.

I sometimes consider what being back with one of my ex-boyfriends would be like but that’s mostly because his mum was a really good cook. No, seriously, exceptionally good food future. On the other hand… maybe that’s a fat future…

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A stranger…Ever been on a bus and seen an exceptionally hot stranger (ok scrap that, we’ll say train, I never see hot strangers on a bus) and fantasied about the life you could have in your Parisian weekend pad. Sigh…

The one that got away…That guy it never quite happened with for whatever reason. This is a tricky one because you are always going to imagine they were the perfect guy. However in all likelihood they’d be just as useless as the ones that didn’t get away, even when you told them to go away several times, so try not to worry about this one.

The nice guy…As the song says nice guys do finish last. I wish I could be content with the nice, slightly quiet guy who is good at meeting the parents, puts up with me (some feat) and actually is a caring, genuine person. Maybe it’s an age thing and eventually that will be the aim but at the moment, all the nice guys I meet are just that little bit dull.

In fact the only time I’ve been on team nice guy was in films or TV, like Ross in Friends (annoying as he is) or SATC…

I would put up with dull for this face:

johnc_lSATC_carrie_aidan

The one you really shouldn’t… Imagining your future with either of the following probably means you are a bad person;

that guy who dated your friend (such a no go) and broke up with her by text (not worth losing your friendship over but also clearly he was a douche), a sexy neighbour (doorstep comment) or, dare I say, that exceptionally attractive third cousin (I jest, but if you’re from the countryside this is probably allowed)

Speaking of people you shouldn’t find attractive, as I was pondering on the future, that irritating orange advert comes to mind…

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This worries me as I have recently been finding myself attracted to ginger people.  I have a love hate relationship with ginger people, due I believe to my constant fear that my DIY hair dying will one day turn from honey blonde to brassy carrot. I do however seem to attract, alongside random Europeans, gingers. It’s like my mum’s friend who claims cats always come up to her and rub against her legs, because they know she isn’t a cat person. I’m not saying I’ve had any gingers rubbing themselves against my leg but still, you get the point…

Although with this lovely line up, maybe an orange tinged future isn’t such a bad thing…

harry fassbender Damian-Lewis

(After all there’s always hair dye or instagram willow or inkwell…)

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