The way we tweet now

I love technology. I live, sleep and breathe social media. But in a week where the Hawking (Stephen) has suggested that AI could end the human race, you do start to wonder if it isn’t all going a bit far…

So how bad is it? A cynical overview of how technology is ruining your life from a girl who once snapchatted from a portaloo (cringe)

Dating

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I rather think this Banksy sums it up. Having been hanging out with a certain male last night, I actually had my phone confiscated (and I thought I was the teacher?) because I kept checking it. Now most of my messages were from girls and good friends but since when was it acceptable to pick up the phone during a conversation? It just has become too natural to be permanently attached to your phone, like it is just an extension of a limb.

The trouble is with modern dating is there are too many options. It’s comforting, if not hideously shallow, that I know if this date doesn’t work out, that I can arrange another one within 15 minutes on Tinder or less. Now I’ve actually kept to my Stoptober promise and refrained from the tinder-temptation but I, like most other singletons, know it is there.

And if you do, by some miracle, find someone you are willing to date for a prolonged period of time (we’ll say three weeks- gone are the days of long term, healthy relationships) then you have the PARANOIA of app communication. There’s the whatsapp conundrum of whether they have seen your message or not. TWO TICKS THREE TICKS. Wha…. and the fact if you put your phone on airplane mode you can actually read your messages without the other person knowing. CLEVER.

In fact I am pretty sure that even if I was in a relationship, I’d still browse dating apps because it just feels like using FB. I mean you’d only delete tinder for like a marriage proposal right?

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Relationships

Having a relationship nowadays is pretty horrific where technology is concerned. Before if you were a neurotic, bunny boiler type (hey, we’ve all been there) you could just check his/her messages. Now… well it seems all the apps have teamed up together and are out to sabotage your relationship.

Snapchat, case in point, your best friends on snapchat can spark suspicions. Why are you always snapchatting Jess89? Who is Jess89?

Why did that girl from work like your photo?

Why the hell does he send 20 snapchat messages today?!

And so on…

For your mental health and dignity, it might be time to go hermit style on your relationship and actually just spend time together :O.

Break ups

There are some things you learn from. Like when I was 5 and touched the gas fire that my mum had specifically warned me about, or when I ate that peppercorn because it looked tasty. Another of life’s lessons in the technoworld is to never, ever put your relationship status on Facebook. One because it’s cringe, a PDA, and just looks like you are showing off. Two because of the annoying comments and likes this will incur. Three because it will be the hardest bit of your break-up. No, just me? When me and my ex broke up, I was only really upset when I took it off FB. Not because I missed him or thought it was a mistake, far from it, but because of the added drama it caused. Expect messages of “Aw hun I’m here if you need me” from people you haven’t spoken to in YEARS or met a couple of times at that yoga society you foolishly joined in uni. Then the idiot influx, where creepy guys from your past start messaging you, asking how you are doing and if you want to go for a drink. Blargh.

So next time, you fall into a relationship, keep it safely away from the zap of Zuckerberg.

Jobs

Now we all know the stories of the girls and boys who put a bit too much of Saturday night’s antics on Facebook and were fired. But technology can ruin your career in more ways than one. Take for example, unemployment, the time when you really need to focus… Try writing a coherent application form with any form of mobile data or wi-fi on. It is impossible. Before you know it you are knee deep in the very depths of procrastination, ie BBC magazine stories about Germany’s underground art scene or BUZZfeeds on how you know you’ve hit 25 etc…I think my lowest point was reading a blog about how Disney princesses would look if they were in real proportions (still pretty hot btw)

I always imagine that in a life without technology, I am a highly powered businesswoman. But then I remember there’d be no twitter to tweet about my achievements…

Family

Always a conflict here. Since the time when my mum would shout upstairs that she needed the phone and just like that my dial up would splutter and I’d hear the first part of her conversation as my internet died. We have never been too traditional in the sit down suppers and I do actually like spending time with my family but I still feel technology is making things more difficult. For example, despite the fact I’m a 25 year old woman (or perhaps because of this) my mum still worries about me and sometimes forgetting to text/message her can add to her concern. On the other hand, it’s actually a stroke of luck that I often drunk facebook, as my mum always knows I’m OK, inappropriate perhaps but safely home.

As for those of you who have big family occasions, I think nothing sums up our phone obsession like this…

Life

Technology is great, where else can you chat to friends in Australia like they are next to you, turn your GPS on whenever you’ve taken a wrong turn and see more cute cats memes with sarcastic captions than you could ever possibly want.

BUT…like everything, it should be used in moderation.

I mean, I was at a festival in Paris in the summer, and one man just filmed the whole St Vincent slot without looking away from the screen or moving or remotely seeming interested but I’m sure he got a lot of likes.

Sometimes, like at festivals or when you’re seeing your friends/family/loved ones, the phone should be turned off or at least put on silent. (especially at festivals, since my lack of social media updates might just have been from the fact on day 1 it was stolen…)

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