Apologies for the title but I’m on a carol high and I refuse to give them up until the end of the year.
I hate new year resolutions because they only last slightly longer than the NYE hangover.
It is expected that you will fail. The whole point of them, it seems, is to berate yourself for not sticking to the no carbs diet. Good intentions become swamped by cruel reality. I mean are you really going to cycle to work in -10 temperatures. And don’t even get me started on dry January (Oh YES, let’s all stop drinking for the most depressing month of the year. No, stop drinking in July, when there is sunshine, shorts and a bikini bod as motivation)
I am all for self improvement but as my player housemate said, “If I want to change something, I’ll change it now”. There we go, so much motivation in my house, and the only reason I continue to go to Kettle bells. (As well as my housemates’ judgement at my lack of hobbies and reluctant, fake enthusiasm for any kind of sports)
If I was picking relevant resolutions they would be:
1.Do not snapchat, whatsapp or FB whilst under the influence.
2. Stop getting with guys that you aren’t sure about. (Have to be at least 70% sure, like a good dark chocolate)
3. Do not drunkenly declare things to good male friends :P.
BUT these are 5 resolutions you can pick up at any time of the year and will really make you feel better. HURRAH.
1. Ditch TOXIC friends.
I used to wonder about this one. Toxic friends being an overused term in women’s magazines which sounded like some kind of science project gone wrong, like you were friends with Frankenstein. In fact, toxic refers to those kind of damaging relationships and if we are honest, we all have a couple of them.
The other day in a pub toilet, I was absent-mindedly listening to some girls having a chat by the sink next to me. I was in the bathroom for quite a while, having managed to tip concealer all over the contents of my bag, so was trying to scrub leather gloves for several desperate minutes (they ended up in the bin). One of the girls was getting married, one was lovely and supportive and making jokes, the other was terrible. Amongst some of her less bitter remarks, “Well you can never trust a man…” “That’s going to be so expensive isn’t it?!” “Why are you having it there? No one will be able to get there” “It could all go wrong” and so on…More burns than the Mean Girls book. Luckily her friend was drunk enough to just let it wash over her but someone who can’t even be happy for you when you go for the plunge (ie get married) sounds like a green-eyed monster and definitely a toxic friend.
That uni friend who you used to do everything with but now can’t even be bothered to text you on your birthday. DUMP her.
That guy who suddenly gets a lot friendlier when you are newly single and suggests you come around to check out his new decks (read it again, decks). DITCH him.
That work friend who always complains about her boyfriend and the fact everyone is engaged except her. AVOID her.
You should be able to be honest with your friends but you don’t dread seeing real friends, get fed up hearing their selfish whines or feel constantly in some kind of competition with them. You can do better.
2. Drink more (water)
Having being told by my grandfather that I am middle-aged! (life expectancy has just plummeted dramatically) And the Christmas revelation that one of my younger cousins uses anti-ageing cream, I have decided a good resolution is to look after my body and skin. No one, that I know, drinks enough water so I think it’s an excellent aim to down a few glasses throughout the day. You’ve downed enough tequila, now swap it for the good stuff.
3. Eat less processed food.
She says as she continues to avoid the jeans because Christmas is definitely tights or stretchy leggings time. Not to be holier-than-thou about it, but we all know the best food is the organic and most natural. I can’t bear food trends whether it’s healthy middle class pulses or the pulled pork of 2014, which now appears to have stretched to poultry (pulled chicken anyone? Blargh)
And behaviour like this:
Deserves a slap with some form of chocolate (dairy milk oero, anyone?) However, taking time to cook food from scratch is beneficial for your body, skin and well-being. It also proves to friends and family that you are actually winning at life, or at least coping. And hell, after all those “Oh so you’re still single?…” conversations at Christmas, you may be wanting to prove that you are the independent career woman/man you claimed to be with excellent hosting skills.
4. Have a techno free day, every week.
I went to the sales for Boxing day (I know, it’s disgusting) and I bought a pair of rather delightful grey gloves which have touch screen patches so that I can never again drop my phone trying to text or get cold hands texting (#firstworldproblems). This is just the tip of the iceberg on my addiction to social media, computers, smart phones etc.. so although I think it’ll be difficult I’m going to try and spend less time on this. And more time out there…in the real world.
Wish me luck
5. TRY new things…
Now we all remember what happened when Ross did something new everyday.
Therefore I am not suggesting huge, awe-inspiring changes but to use a cliché, variety is the spice of life. Whether it’s going on your first tinder date, ticking off something on the bucket list or actually making time to visit that non-toxic uni friend, now is the time to do it.