Ask a Guy: Just Friends?

I am very excited to have a guest post, particularly from a male perspective, so here goes. I will respond to his ideas shortly…

Question of the week: Can girls and guys just be friends?

Writer of the week: My husband, in that we have the same last name as each-other so you know it would be easy… No…an old school friend. I only started speaking to him again due to the fact our parents bumped into each-other but he’s, dare I say it, quite amusing and we haven’t slept together so the perfect candidate for this topic.

The guy on whether girls and guys can be just good friends:

‘Of course you can’t be just friends with a girl’.My housemate exclaimed.

His twenty-five year old self informed me earlier this year after a discussion about the friend zone. Said as if I’d missed that lesson where we were taught that, of course, us men just want to sleep with any and all females in our proximity. We’re all simple minded sloths with no other desire than to rut like beasts and eat red meat. Of course.

I believe his statement stemmed from a notion that men traditionally do not seek unattractive female friends based on the further notion that those said attractive friends could become potential romantic interests, be it:
Long term, ‘we’ve been friends for years and it just seemed like the next step’ – Relationship
Medium term, ‘we were friends for a while before we dated’ – Dating
Or short term, ‘it was a one night thing after one too many’ – Casual Hook up

But back to the statement, can us males actually be just friends with members of the opposite sex? Without any ulterior motive of either love: long term emotional relationship, lust: short term physical fling, or both: a healthy balance.
Maybe it will come as a surprise that I do not share that sentiment, I do in fact believe you can be friends with girls and not want to fuck them, not even if they asked you to, more importantly, especially if they asked you to. That ability to say no to those base desires our genes express surely separate the real men from the boys, and the men from the apes.

But as few typical males would be wont to express, I have said no to sex. Now, I enjoy sex as much as the next guy and I’ll admit that one track mind nature kicks in every now and then, but serves more of a reminder to what some men are like all the time, something that is rife with innuendo and little consolation for the intended recipient.
But let’s just skip back to that guy who said ‘No’, this guy who, in the presence of a girl who is his friend is presented with the opportunity to engage in sexual activity. That ‘No’ weighs up the short (relative term) sexual encounter against the continuous level of friendship the two share. That ‘No’ says ‘I don’t think of you like that’, ‘I don’t want to ruin what we have’ and ‘I value our friendship (emotional) more than sex (physical)’.

All this exists alongside the friend zone which if you’ve been living under a rock goes something like this. It’s that place where a romantic advance is rebuffed and the would-be suitor is labelled a ‘friend’, never to progress any further (insert Monopoly reference here). Often traits of friendship can be interpreted as different things, a hug here, a winky face there, often one party can like another a little more than usual.
But, ultimately, it’s irrelevant. A man never accepts the friend zone, they just wait there. They join the queue with the rest of the males and hope the ticker tape comes around to their number (but it never does). This will last for years, they will get into other relationships but still wait it out, just in case there’s a moment of weakness or a change of heart.

So to summarise, Guest poster believes that he, unlike his primate friend, can maintain friendships without doing it but many suckers will fall into friendzone, with the hope that one day they are going to be promoted from friend to fuck. Excuse my French…

I will be writing a response to this shortly, but am currently hiding out in case I bump into any primate-like male housemates 😉 

My reply



  1. herheadache · January 5, 2015

    This question plagues me and I can’t seem to figure it out. I wrote a post on this, after my own experiences with it, based around a film that came out last fall about this very question.


    • dineoutonthis89 · January 5, 2015

      I love that film!

      And look how it works out…. definitely a tricky one. I’ll be writing my response later.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Pingback: Dear John…? | Redland Rapscallion

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