Ask a Girl: Just Friends?

The girl (i.e. me) on whether girls and guys can just be good friends

I completely agree with my guest poster’s perspective when he suggests that all men are apes. Oh wait, that’s not quite what he said. So we’ll agree that most men are similar to our apeish distant relatives and continue with the question 😉

Can girls and boys just be friends? Hmph. Very tricky and complicated issue I’d say…

One of my very best male friends recently told me off for bossing him around and said “for god’s sake I’m not your boyfriend” to which I replied of course he wasn’t. If he was my boyfriend, I’d be dumped by now. I would never be so demanding with a boyfriend. And that’s my first point. Girls love having male friends, they are the best, you get all of the best parts of a guy; attention, the male perspective on guy problems, cuddles (careful) without the drama of a relationship and you can still date etc… It’s amazing…Until they get a girlfriend. Damn it.

But are these friendships purely platonic?

I think society finds it hard to believe as the picture above illustrates. Another recent example, I told my mum a story about a guy friend being nice about my blog and suggesting writing together and she said “Yes that’s nice but he does probably want to get into your pants.” To which I replied sullenly, “I know.. but he does write well” (not guest poster btw) But does he? Why is it automatically assumed that guys just want to sleep with ALL girls? Has society (particularly females) become that cynical that we see every man as a playboy-reading, heartbreaking, brain-in-boxers idiot?

Firstly, is it really all girls/all guys. Nope. In this selfie-stick, shallow, social-media addicted, sorry state of a society, it does come down to attractive vs non-attractive. To put it harshly, we tinder-swipe our friends into datable and no thanks, keep moving shrek.

When you aren’t physically attracted to them, yes you do friendzone them. But surely that is the difference. A hot friend, unless he is your best friend, you are going to date him or at least kiss him or something. The friendzone is for guys you don’t fancy. Call me primeval or worse a primate, but desire and nature are brutal.

Does it work both ways? I actually find it really hard to be close friends with a guy. How do you distinguish between those tingly feelings and just being good friends. I am sure I am not the only one who has, regrettably, ruined friendships because one of us thought there was more.

This is quite an apt post for me. I said one of my resolutions would be “Do not declare things whilst drunk” well that was not without good cause. Over-share and exceptional fondness for one of my favourite people led to a messy, drunken conversation that probably wasn’t the best idea (or was it… still confused on that one). Anyway it appears to have stayed safely (?) in 2014. BUT word of warning, if you are confused over feelings for a friend, do not watch When Harry Met Sally together. Most awkward sofa moment ever.

I have to agree with the plot of this film and disagree with my guest poster…

It’s natural. You are a stronger person than me if you can resist the person you tell everything to, spend all your time with and do find attractive. One of you is always going to want it to go further. even if they don’t admit it. Even if it never happens and you don’t kiss on new year’s eve (BIG SPOILER ALERT but to a super old and quite frankly dull film)

As I have been making sweeping generalisations, I’ll also suggest that, despite the good intentions of my guest poster, in my experience men rarely decline sex. Attenborough-esque as it may be, most men seem to be programmed to practice procreation. Not to say girls value friendships more but perhaps, I say this reluctantly, guys are more likely to think it could work out or be less put off by ruining a friendship.

And that friend-zone waiting line? Well hipster-housemate says the friendzone is an invention of some meme-spouting website like Buzzfeed. His advice? To have a w**** and get over it. Whilst I wouldn’t suggest replacing your porn collection with your Facebook newsfeed of nearest and dearest, I would agree with Hipster-H in that there are peaks and troughs in every friendship. I have for example, had a sex dream about Hipster-H but does that mean I fancy him/ have ruined our friendship … no.

I was very drunk and it was someone else’s subconscious.

Buzzfeed may have created it but I must admit I do use the “friendzone” as a viable option. But the Friendzone is kind of like that basket of sale items, near the checkout. You didn’t need those rice noodles but they were on offer and you were drunk and lonely… OK mixing metaphors, but you get the jist. Whether or not the friendzone exists, you don’t want to be in it.

I will have to at this point, sorry **** (that’s in reference to guest poster’s name not some crude slight), add that he actually asked me if he could write another post.I, of course, agreed to which he said

“And then we’ll sleep together for the sake of the blog?… For Science… That is serious commitment to journalism”

Which I think renders his post obsolete and proves my point.

Girl: 1 Boy: 0 and in case you were wondering Sex 0