Player-housemate, who should be renamed insanely-sickenely-inlove-housemate, is pretty much ready to wed and has an itinerary for his valentine’s day plans, comes into the living room and asks “Guys, what’s another way of saying you are really lucky?”
I, naively, thought he was preparing his interview speech. “Ummm let me think…which job is this for again?”…
“Oh errr it’s not for a job, it’s for ****** (His girlfriend)” he says, looking unashamedly brazen. “Lottery?” one of my other housemates pops up. “Already used that”…
“Wait a minute… Are you writing a POEM?!” Finally he has the sense to look slightly embarrassed.
So my formerly fun housemate is all loved up again. Pass the sick bucket. I’m not completely soul-less but unless your beau is Shakespeare, then romantic sonnets leave me cold.
My feelings have mellowed about Valentines day over the years, probably because, since teaching, it coincides with half term so I have almost found myself looking forward to it. Last year, me and teacher-ex celebrated V-day with a meal out which definitely was more about celebrating a week off, no love lost there :P.
But as I am a big fan of Ebenezer Scrooge,I thought I’d imagine the ghosts of Valentines…
The Ghost of Valentine’s past
So Valentine himself was tortured by Emperor Claudius, enough said, but no, we continue to celebrate this fact.
My favourite historical Valentine fact:
“In the Middle Ages, young men and women drew names from a bowl to see who would be their Valentine. They would wear this name pinned onto their sleeves for one week for everyone to see. This was the origin of the expression “to wear your heart on your sleeve”
The Middle Ages equivalent of a facebook relationship status? Or they were Medieval swingers, just without the car keys.
As for my own personal Valentines passed, the worst one that springs to mind or indeed, the only one that I can remember, is breaking up with my boyfriend a week before the day. And hey, get some perspective, it’s definitely better to end it with someone pre-Valentines than a week after.
Anyway, I remember getting a phone call from my dad saying “eerrrr…I think ****’s bought you some flowers”. Come back home to a full bouquet of roses.
He’d booked in advance, ever the organised one and probably one of the reasons we broke up, and forgotten to cancel them.
The worst part being the card which simply stated “I’ll love you forever”
The Ghost of Valentine’s present
Valentines day 2015 is a busy one for me. I have a breakfast and ice cream parlour date with my work friend whose boyfriend is working. Then a girly night out with my housemate. BUT I have also spent the last hour (ok maybe half an hour) cleaning someone’s room, that’s a pretty big declaration of affection, seeings as I don’t even clean my own room (sorry mum).
If you are a fan of consumerism, or indeed paperchase and going to buy a V-day card, here are some of my top picks…
For the Hipster valentine:
For the brutally honest:
For embracing the inner Geek:
For the newsworthy, relevant Valentine:
For the single ladies
The Ghost of Valentine’s future
Hmmm odd one trying to envisage the future of Valentines. The future of Christmas just seems to involve obesity and perhaps Father Christmas being involved in some sort of child abuse scandal (although Father Christmas didn’t rise to fame in the 70s or 80s) I was thinking perhaps of robot sex-toys but that all seems a little unsavoury for the day of love.
A more likely scenario is that we all fall in love with our phones/some form of artificial intelligence…like in the film Her. My favourite part has to be when Scarlett (or rather the computer with the sensuous voice) has to explain that she is talking to thousands of people and in love with hundreds of them.
If this is the polygamous future of romance then we best get sending Valentine e-cards, think of the trees…