Dear John…?

Breaking up is hard to do. The song speaks the truth.

It isn’t you, it’s me … or my favourite new classic from the one and only Samantha Jones:


That sounds more appropriate. Anyway… after multiple chats with a friend of mine who is going through the shall I, shan’t I dilemma, I decided (with her permission) to open it up to the blogging world including guy-blogger (from Ask a guy posts).

Her problem: 

“What do you do when the spark goes? When you still love your boyfriend, care about them and want them to be happy, but you realise that the butterflies have gone . I always thought that love was everything and would always be enough but now I’m starting to realise that you need more than that to have a good relationship. Can I be content with what we have got or accept that we should part? What if I never love someone this much again?”

Guy-blogger’s insights:

I think this is felt by everyone at some point or another, it’s feelings like this that make or break relationships, and it’s moments like this that really highlight the difference between ‘love’ and being ‘in love’. I would disagree and say that it is enough, love is a very powerful bond, in whatever context, it’s enough to make people put themselves through hell for the sake of another human being, that’s rare in this day and age. Whether it’s to come home to that person every night, or once a week, or not even that often it is most definitely enough to put yourself through a lot of hell. If it isn’t like that, then I’d be inclined to say it’s not true love, just the closest thing to it so far.

The notion of that grass being greener is true in every aspect of life, personally, professionally, you name it. You might meet up with other couples and see how in love they are with their puns, in jokes and finishing each other’s…sandwiches, but remember that’s just what they choose to publicly share. Every couple has fights, arguments behind closed doors, it’s no use comparing and thinking it might be better some where else just because it looks it. Seeing is not believing, after all. I’d say if you think you’re better off on your own, go for it, reclaim some of that independence that is nearly always lost when you give yourself wholeheartedly to another person. But if this is just a rough patch, a lull before the eventual rise into those happier times, stick at it a bit more, I don’t know about all the circumstances, but make a bit more effort than normal, and try and get your partner to as well, if things look up, great, if not, then maybe one or both of you have been taking the other for granted, or maybe, yes, that spark really is gone.

My own thoughts: 

I am so tempted to Mrs. Mills this and write something pretentious about table settings or sex with the milkman (never!) but as I know the girl in question, it’s actually even harder…

I think the key point here is the questions you are asking don’t suggest to me that you are holding on for the right reasons. And, I may be no Mystic Meg, but I’m pretty confident that you will find love again and that someone who is in their early twenties should not be “settling” already. If it’s not fun now, how will it be 5 years down the line? 10?

You started thinking about this before Christmas, if you are still thinking about it in two weeks time ie our next commercialised Christian holiday then I think you know your answer.

PS. you did mention to me that you’d enjoy Tinder, please make sure you’ve read my thoughts on this

Alternatively you could think like a swiftie, WWSD?



Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s