Supermarket sweep state

I cannot wait for my Facebook newsfeed to go back to cats, Lad bible (ugh) links and pictures of various cocktails and whatyoucookedfordinner. No really. I love politics, in that I believe in democracy and actively want to take part in the democratic process but enough is enough.

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If it’s not the hate Murdoch-media campaign against Miliband (I’m sorry but who does look good eating sandwiches- this is why I don’t go on dates to Pret) then it is that horror of realising people you went to primary school with, and felt obliged to accept their friend request, are actually UKIP supporters. Or even worse one of your family members is. And yes they’ve read the manifesto and actively believes in using immigration as a scapgoat for climate change (or something equally as ridiculous)

I used to tease my history teacher about the colour of his tie and cheekily imply his yellow silk meant he was a lib dem (“I always put you down as a Tory, Sir…”) and my students have asked me, to which I declared “I do not wish to influence you in the slightest”. However when they made parallels between UKIP and various Nazi policies, I kept quiet.

As that sandwich shot of Miliband keeps re-surfacing, it got me thinking of food…and as food is never disappointing, unlike our corrupt MPs, how much more fun to consider an election supermarket.

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If political parties were supermarkets…

Waitrose

Elitist. Expensive. Probably went to Eton.

The supermarket that calls brioche essential has got to be the haunt of the Conservative party.

Don’t get me wrong I love a trip around Waitrose but like Conservative policies, it’s not the everyman supermarket.

I knew I was in waitrose when in a drunken moment, I wondered off without my money and was politely chased by a woman thrusting the money in my hand. Would never happen in Tesco. #Toomuchmoney

If you are planning on voting Tory or indeed visiting Waitrose, you may be interested to know they are offering a free bottle of champagne for every customer who spends £100…So you can celebrate the latest coalition deal in style, or drown your sorrows appropriately, with overpriced fizz.

Tesco

Every little helps…

I may not sympathise with all Labour’s policies but I am starting to feel a bit sorry for old Miliband.

We did all prefer his brother, the Tesco’s finest, whereas Ed seems to be more of a Value man.

The international food aisle may reflect their immigration policies, in Hull, Tesco had two whole aisles dedicated to Poles (as in Polish food not for strippers…although it was Hull)

It doesn’t help that probably all three of the main parties shop in Waitrose or somewhere even more exclusive. Harrods food hall anyone?

Sainsburys

The middle ground shop. This store screams Nick Clegg to me. Still a certain type of establishment, the oxbridge or at least Russell group type of supermarket.

It’s the kind of shop you’d take your parents to. The supermarket you can get olives, artichokes and other luxuries but also this:

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35p mustard. Now that is worth voting for.

It’s the shop I shopped at as a student.

But alas this year I doubt many students will be putting Lib Dems in their basket.

Well done Clegg.

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That health food store with all those buckets full of cereal and lentils.

As I come from the land of hippies, I am accustomed to these sorts of food shops with vegan cheese and gluten-dairy-fun-free products galore, but the original “ecological” party of the Greens is definitely most suited to this sort of place.

Whilst in an ideal world the Greens have got it right, them shaking off the hippy image and being taken seriously is unlikely.

Natalie Bennett has not improved any chances either, proving to know as much on her policies as the health food store workers do about Macdonalds.

However, Bristol is embracing the Green party probably not due to its lefty manifesto but more because the hipster look of stokes croft wouldn’t be complete without the Green vote (and you know the trust fund from their tory-voting parents)

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I’m not even going to include Farage and his bongo-bongo land-hating Ukippers, because that would be to take them seriously as an actual party.

Besides, I’ve only got Lidl left …

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